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We are often confronted with situations in which we must stand up for ourselves.
The situation may involve a "friend" who continually borrows money.
It may be a neighbor who prevents us from studying by playing music too
loudly. It may involve a boyfriend or girlfriend wanting us to be
something we are not. Or even dealing with a teacher who gave us, what
we believe, is an incorrect grade on a test or project.
When dealing with such situations, there are three different communication skills we
can use to express ourselves:
Non-Assertive (Passive)
Nonassertive behavior is passive and indirect. It communicates a message of
inferiority. This type of communication allows the wants and needs of others to be more
important than our own. Being non-assertive is indirect and not completely honest, which
usually presents a disguise of our real self. This can lead to emotional problems that
include stress, anger or even depression.
Aggressive
Aggressive communication is more complex. It can be either active or passive, direct or
indirect, honest or dishonest – but it always communicates an impression of
superiority. Aggressiveness is in most situations inappropriate because it violates the
rights of others. Despite controlling the situation, this could significantly harm the
relationship and may still not have made the other person understand our perspective.
Assertive
Assertive behavior is active, direct, and honest
and expresses our own needs, wants and basic rights as a person
without violating the rights of others. An assertive person wins by
influencing, listening and negotiating so that others choose to
cooperate willingly. By maintaining a good and respectful relationship
with others, future dealings will likely be positive.
Assertive Person’s Philosophy
Assertive DO’s & DON’Ts
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